Hi, if you clicked on this, you're like me, you don't know what's good for you. Why click on a post called "So Depressed" if you want to do yourself a favor, right? Anyway... that aside, depression is insane, just so... all consuming - just figured if any of you wanted to talk about it, here's a good place. I feel like depression is a logical state of being, because life... some of the cruelties of it are just overwhelming... anyway, here's the ***.
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It feels good to be able to talk with people who know what it is like to feel the pain you have felt.
I wish I could remember all the memories others are able to retrieve so easily, but I am grateful that I am able to show love and compassion to people who matter to me in my life.
Just thought I would add this to this thread.🥰
Yeah I have Major Depressive Disorder and have literally tried over a dozen antidepressants over the past decade but none work, apparently I'm "treatment resistant." It's basically just my normal state of being, I don't really remember a time when I actually enjoyed being alive. But I'm used to it atp.
I spent too much time in my adolescence and early adult years in depressive holes due to people's actions and things outside of my control. As I've aged, I have learned to focus on what I can do to improve my situation and work on that, even in the face of adversity. That seems to give me a purpose to fight for and stops me getting too much in my own head. Not a perfect approach but works for me most of the time.
I think depression to me is a pretty funny thing that it’s never just depression. It’s always mixed in with all these different interconnected emotions that I might be having that kind of feed the depression. I have every so often it makes me think about how in the beginning of a shift that I had at some of my previous work I was told to hit for example, seven things to make and that that’s what everybody has been doing in the best way to find either at the end or the next day that now the number is at least 10 to 12. it does get exhausting to be noticing all these different things around me and when I try to explain it to someone else as much as they are doing their best to listen they don’t understand what I’m talking about and it gets super frustrating and makes me feel like there might be something wrong with me.
Side I apologize for this being long explanation, but it makes me think about how I have been doing everything I can to explain what my sibling needs because with their disability throughout my childhood, they aren’t capable of sharing exactly what they need and that for some reason, I know how to help them at the exact time that they are in need of help.
I remember when my sibling was having an issue with their shot that I was the one who forced and pressured my parent to go to the hospital to help take care of them for them to find out that if they didn’t go, they would be dead within 72 hours.
I can’t explain exactly how certain things happen for me that I wish I was lying about. I don’t want to say or indicate that I am trying to make myself more grand than I am, it just sometimes feels like with how I am seeing the world and how I am connecting the dots one moment and then the next without me even saying what I’m even thinking people are already telling me that I’m just speaking common knowledge when a second ago, it wasn’t common knowledge.
It makes me feel even more invisible and makes it harder for people to see me as I am in real time in comparison to what is occurring in the world at that moment.
I also think about how labels that are given to people that are considered with the certain disability is in someway protection for that person because way back in history if a person seemed like a threat, they were often killed. Makes me think of how people were forced in the institution of Penhurst and going further back into the witch trials that were had of women that acted odd and were seeing as witches, and the only way to make sure this person wasn’t a witch was to kill them and that even if they were innocent, it didn’t matter Because they were still threat.
I am sorry for being super long again, but those are just a couple things. I’m thinking about that lead me to not know why things are the way they are and my frustration leads me to the depression I have.
I get depressed every now and then. It depends what my situation is. Lately I’ve been feeling depressed because I don’t like the way my life is. There are times when I’m in a better mood but overall, I’m just not happy. I know that some people have it much worse than me and I’m grateful that I don’t have it as bad as others, but I still wish things were better. I’m very sorry to anyone who suffers from depression. Life can truly suck.