Howdy y'all! When I wrote this script, I, as usual, covered things that I personally feel/perceive in the world. It's a pretty narrow perspective but the more powerful I make the videos to me, the better they are as relatability is pretty much everything in comedy.
I know a lot of you will relate to this script so that's awesome. And again, this video will exist thanks to the awesome contributions from the people listed on the Donate page.
Some of this stuff I have to censor for the YouTube version as it is way too controversial... but that just means YOU GUYS get an even better, exclusive version :) Woohoo?
Anyway! If you see something that needs to be corrected (not grammar, but actual lines being inaccurate or something) cool! You can comment below and if you correction makes it to the video, I'll give you a text credit! Here's the new, exclusive script for your viewing pleasure:
10 Things I Hate About 2022 Hey everyone, I’m Onision and this is 10 Things I Hate About 2022 1. People are still batshit crazy. White: Hey did you hear more women came forward about that celebrity? Dale: Do they have any evidence? White: All the texts mysteriously disappeared but we have to believe victims. Dale: What if the accused is actually the victim? You know, of slander? White: OW… OWWWWW MY HEAA… *explodes* 2. Twitter still exists. Onision: Hey guys, my new book should be done within a month. Rod Danger: RATIO RATIO RATIO I RATIOED YOU DUHHHHHH Onision: Why the fuck do people keep doing this? Block. Rod Danger: OH MY GOD MY RATIO COMMENT IS GETTING SO MANY LIKES! I WAS GONNA SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FUCKING HEAD BECAUSE I’M SUCH A LOSER BUT NOW I WANT TO LIVE ON BECAUSE I’VE BEEN ACCEPTED BY FELLOW FUCKING LOSERS ON TWITTER AS ONE OF THE COLLECTIVE WASTES OF OXYGEN YAY! Onision: Oh fuck IT made another account. Block again. Rod Danger: Ha! He blocked me! People not wanting to be constantly harassed means I’m better than them! HAHAHA! 3. Elon Musk won’t shut up. Elon: Hey shareholders, I plan to get to mars by 2027. Dale: Hey, Elon says we’ll be at Mars till 2027 & now my Tesla stock is exploding. Vicky: Don’t care nerd. MONTHS LATER Elon: If that woman was really harassed by me, tell her describe my penis! Vicky: Hey Dale, did you see Elon’s tweet? Apparently, he tried to get a massage therapist to... Dale: WE HAVE TO SELL THE HOUSE!!! I PUT EVERYTHING IN TESLA! FUCKING ELONNNN!!!! 4. Johnny Depp is celebrated as a hero. Rod: Oh my god I love Johnny Depp! Dale: You mean the alcoholic, illegal drug abusing nutjob actor who texted to another actor that he wanted to rape his dead wife’s incinerated body? Rod: Even if half of that is true, he is Edward Scissorhands and creams my penina. Dale: So him saying he wanted to rape his ex doesn’t bother you at all? Rod: No. Dale: And if Onision said that? Rod: ONISION SAID THAT!? WHAT A MONSTER!!! Dale: No, that would be disgusting. I just was making a point. Rod: Oh, well Onision is still bad. Dale: But Johnny Depp is good. Rod: Not good, god. Dale: …I crave death. 5. Lame random people keep getting famous.
White: Hey Emo Charlie Emo Charlie: Yes… *crowd erupts with cheers* White: Uh… *cheers still going on* Emo Charlie: Sorry I had a line to say but they keep cheering. White: What did you do? *cheering still going* Emo Charlie: I made a brain-dead gen Z pandering rap song! White: *stares blankly* *cheering continues* Emo Charlie: *stares blankly* *cheering continues*
6. Fans of pretty much everyone, including my own, are still mostly garbage and fake. Dale: Vicky what do you think of JK Rowling. Vicky: Oh my god, I love here, she is my twin flame & I would die for her. Dale: She made negative comments about transgenderism. Vicky: OH SHIT SHE HAS ONE OPINION!? I WANT HER DEAD! DEAD YOU HEAR ME! I’M BURNING MY HARRY POTTER!!! Dale: Ok, you bipolar psycho. Vicky: *foaming at the mouth*
7. LeafyIsHere was banned from basically everything. *cuts to scene of Onision jacking off to LeafyIsHere*
8. People still believe in God. Emo: *prays* Dear God, if you show up, I might actually believe in you. God: Hello my child! Emo: *stares* God: Will you follow me now that you have seen me child? Emo: Child? You mean like the child Mary who you impregnated with Jesus? God: She was 15 or something like that!? Emo: YEAH, THAT’S A CHILD! God: I MAKE THEIR PERIODS START AROUND THEN THO! Emo: EW!!! THEY’RE STILL CHILDREN YOU FREAK! CHRIS! HANDLE THIS!!! Chris: Hello God, why don’t you take a seat? God: Oh shut up Chris we both know what you do behind the scenes. Chris: Gotta go! God: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!! Emo: Ok hypocrite, he can't be worse than you, you made him.
God: Shut up cock bait.
Emo: What?
9. Onision videos get no views.
Rod Danger: Hey loser, how’s making videos for your 10 fans going?
Onision: *dead with gun in hand*
Rod Danger: So… not good then?
10. To this day, no one has figured out that calling a month “PRIDE MONTH” is just another religiously driven hateful jab at homosexuality.
Jeremiah: How do we openly call gay people sinners without sounding like homophobic bigots? God: Well my son, just give them a month that is titled after one of the seven deadly sins, that way you can say they’re horrible sinners, without them even knowing! Jeremiah: THAT’S PERFECT! They won’t even know every time they celebrate pride month, they’re celebrating us calling them sinners. God: *laughs* Jeremiah: *laughs* And that’s it! Hope you enjoyed the sketches, probably the last I’ll ever make. Hahaha. No seriously. I got canceled for shit I didn’t even do and then I was fired for it so, fuck my life. *crowd cheers* 😊 HAVE A GREAT 2022!